The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
