I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
