sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
