No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
