My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
