Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
