Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He passed out mid-signature
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
