'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This baby is an asshole
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
