I have demons in me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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