you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
