I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
