No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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