Welp...herpes.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
