ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
did you just send me my own nude
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
