the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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