he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
