i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
