I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
