we have pet lesbian snakes
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have feelings that need drinking.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
