mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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