What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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