that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
