We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
