she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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