If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
