I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
