Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
