She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
They are going to name an STD after you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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