1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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