I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
