I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
How naked do you want me to be?
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