So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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