yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
