I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
