I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
