Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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