Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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