Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
high people should be assigned attendants
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
