What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
