Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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