Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
