under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
