1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
