is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
