isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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