Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
