I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
