please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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