Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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