After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
