Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize