My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
