We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
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