I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
