direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We have so much sex to catch up on
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
