I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
