I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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