love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
