Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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