Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
