He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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