I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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