I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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