Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
