Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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